almost invisible

I had a thought tonight... while I was driving across the country alone... I wish that when people died.... everyone they'd ever known could say one sentence about them at their funeral. specifically I think it would be wonderful if your parents would write a portion of your eulogy. it seems unfair that your entire life is represented by the people left at the end... that remember you in the last 20 years. because people are most alive between 20 and 70... maybe everyone should have a jar... that follows them around... sort of like a suggestion box.... but with amazing memories of a person. when that person does something wonderful... you jot it down on a scrap of paper and you fold it up and put it in the jar... and then at their funeral... someone stands at the lecturn in the church... beside the flowers... fishing out memories and reads them off one at a time...

the last month has been very hard for me. I feel like writing about it isn't even fair.

lets be clear.

you will never understand.



so I am not going to try to make sense of it in words.

I have seen more love in this lifetime than many people are privy to. I feel a mixture of lucky and very sad.

if there is one thing I could impart to you... in my private and now public thoughts about burying one of my best friends and quite frankly the most amazing woman I have ever known, this week... it would be that if you have love in your heart... or a kind word for anyone... a stranger or your best friend... just tell them... they won't be here forever and neither will you.

besides... wouldn't you be smiling at your own funeral to hear your suggestion box full of love.. when someone tells about the ways you were so brave with your thoughts and feelings...

my grandmother taught me about lipstick... and dresses... doesn't she look so beautiful here. I learned something about her at her funeral... I knew she had a show on the radio back in Beatrice... but I learned it was all requests.... so she was sitting there in the studio... at the piano... people would phone in... and she would play whatever they wanted on the piano...

it makes my heart sink to think how you will never know her.