yesterday, i saw a caterpillar... this morning i saw pussy willows in bloom and a sidewalk chalked up like a stained glass window... i have been steadily filling up my calendar for shows in the coming months and it has me really inspired to work... well... that and leaving the windows open all night long!
i know it's odd that this has turned into a forum for discussing my dreams... but it is a journal to me and i find it so rare. i NEVER remember my dreams and i have only recently starting having extreme nightmares.
i drifted back to sleep again this morning and just woke from a dream turned nightmare.
i was in a room with some friends. in particular my friend mac. he was talking about his life and the interesting people and places he has experienced. i was mindlessly cracking my knuckles/pulling on my fingers. i was shocked when i pulled off my right index finger. it didn't bleed. i held it in my hand. i stared at the stump of a finger that was left on my hand and my heart was racing... i said nothing... i walked over to mac and held my hand out for him to see and i still could not speak. he looked at my hand and fainted. then i woke up.
more two bit internet research:
To see your fingers in you dream, symbolizes physical and mental dexterity. They indicate manipulation, action and non-verbal communication. If you dream that your fingers fall off, then it suggests that you are letting a situation dominate you or dictate how you behave. You may be literally losing your grip on life.
it's 3 in the morning and i just woke up from a series of nightmares. the theme was the same. it both dreams i was the passenger in a car with someone very close to me... and in both dreams we were in an accident in which the car rolled several times... more so in the last dream... along with injuries and broken glass etc. in both instances we arrived to our destination and the driver denied that there was any problem whatsoever. in fact in the second dream the driver told me to lie about the crash and asked me to park the car as they went inside.
both were extremely scary and made me feel not only scared but a little crazy. after some digging this is what i found on car crash dreams:
To dream that you are in a car crash, indicates that your beliefs, lifestyle, or goals are clashing with another's. It may also represent a shocking situation or painful experience.
The car in your dream may symbolize the physical self or ego development and ego function. In that, it represents the way that you travel through your life's journey. Consider all of the details in the dream, including its emotional content (e.g. difficulty of the road, identity of the driver, direction of the incline). Recurring car dreams usually deal with life's major themes that may include issues of control and sensibility. By carefully examining this dream, you may gain insight into important areas of life, including to how well you are navigating from one stage of your life to another, if you are assertive and take charge or are passive. Dreaming about traveling in a car is a very, very common dream theme that provides valuable information in regard to a specific part of or long-standing theme in your life's journey.
To dream that someone else is driving you, represents your dependence on the driver. You are not in control of your life and following the goals of others instead of your own
If you are the passenger, then you are taking a passive role. If you are in the backseat of the car, then it indicates that you are putting yourself down and are allowing others to take over. This may be a result of low self-esteem or low self-confidence. Overall, this dream symbol is an indication of your dependence and degree of control you have on your life.
Dreams of crashes may actually be a sign pointing to something in your life that needs repair--a relationship which is out of balance or a work situation that is causing you distress.
Dreams of someone else driving your car are potent dreams. Remember, your car is your vehicle. You are meant to be the driver plotting out your course. Your car is meant to be your ticket to freedom. When someone else is in the driver's seat then symbolically, that is the person you may feel is or even wish were in charge of your life.
Look at who is in the driver's seat. Is it a parent, a spouse, a child, a friend? How do you feel about the person driving the car? Are you happy about where they taking you? If you like the person driving the car and are happy about where you are going, this dream might point to you wishing that you handled your life like the person in the dream does. It might also be a wish for being 'rescued' by that person from a situation in your life that you are unhappy with.
Alternatively, if you don't like the person driving or the course you're on, it may feel like that person is in charge of your life, or that you feel like you're making the same choices as someone whose life you feel is less than ideal.
Remember though, the person driving the car is a symbol. Dreaming of someone of the opposite sex driving your car can point to an animus/anima figure who you feel is in control. For women, the animus is the thinking part of the psyche, for men, the anima is usually representative of the emotions. Do you feel you are making decisions according to faulty logic or misguided emotions? This is where your feelings about the driver of the car give you the most information about the dream.
yesterday ... not one... but two very wonderful things happened.... well, there were countless more... but the most vain are the two i will mention. walking down the street yesterday afternoon i was flagged down by Jackie (i don't know her last name... :)) she works at duplex, where my second show has been hanging since November. she said that it was her last day of work ... and to celebrate she'd made cupcakes.... she opened up a container to reveal the most amazing cupcakes i have ever seen in my entire life... and i have seen many many cupcakes... :) she said she'd wanted to do a design that had meaning to everyone at the restaurant... she had decorated the cupcakes to look like my paintings...
she said ... "you are my muse... i suppose you are many people's muse"... i almost started crying... it was the most flattering 'bout of random-ness to happen to me in a very very long time... the cupcakes were beautiful... see for yourself...
and as if that weren't enough... last night i got this message from my friend Laura about in reference to a blog i'd written ... i am blessed
i sold a couple of skyline experimentals that i did a couple of years ago to a woman in michigan. late last week!
i am finally shipping them out today.
i also had a surprise sale off of etsy yesterday... and from that came another commission. photos below.
older skylines going to michigan
hacienda painting to go with cowboy bar commission
photo reference for what i'll be working on tonight
the sun is shining... my heart is skipping a beat... and i am finding it hard to concentrate on my work. my mind keeps wandering to tonight.
i did a little prep shopping to make sure everything's perfect.
i have a sexy little date tonight... with my paints...
i can't wait to get home!
walking the streets of austin tx... it is overwhelmingly clear that it will never quite be possible to capture the art that is life.
i am blessed and cursed with insomnia... i find it very difficult to remember my dreams. this morning i woke for the first time around 2 am... and have been drifting in and out of sleep all morning... it's now almost 6:30am. i had a series of nightmares which i remember vividly ... and i keep a notebook by my bed for the sole purpose of jotting down any dreams i can remember... because it is so rare i ever do. i have no trouble recalling any of the nightmares from the early hours of today... they were all sharp. in the very last dream... i watched a man in a grey suit plummet down 2 flights of stairs... head first... and crash land ... his arm squirting blood on the white walls of the stairwell... when i woke from that dream i realized i still had clothes in the dryer in the basement of my building... so i walked down the 3 stories and into the basement... i noted the cold creepy click of my shoes... and slow moan as the door closed behind me and i thought of my friend who is a photographer and how it would make an excellent place for her to shoot... at night... and i looked behind me as the door closed... i saw nothing... i collected my laundry and went back the way i came... this time... i noticed a toy figure... a man... in a grey suit... laying on the ground at the bottom of the stairs... my heart dropped. i questioned weather i was sleep walking... but no... i am actually awake... i came back upstairs and logged into my facebook account... i had one friend request... from a man laying flat on his back on pavement.
i don't know what the universe is trying to tell me... but I HEAR YOU.
i woke up with a heavy chest cold... but have since stuffed it away deep inside of me with heavy shots of sunshine and fresh air.
The Kinks understand ...
i am a person that can cure my ills with my enthusiasm
travel cures anything for me... i am plotting my next adventure to austin ... i leave for south by southwest tuesday at midnight... and it can't come a moment too soon... without adventure i am filled with ennui and the french know what i mean when i say it kills the very thing that creates life... creates art