i miss my grandmother

saturday i went to a bridal shower for my sister and her fiance's grandmother was there... after the games and the food she made her way to me... took my face in her hands and pulled my face close to hers... her teeth were black in a way that only a 90 year old woman's can be... i recoiled slightly by accident or by instinct... and if i didn't love the age in her face i might have been a little afraid of her at that moment. she said... ah yes... now i can see you... my eyes are bad... you have been just a shadow. now i see you are jessica's sister... ah yes... and i almost wanted to cry for missing my own grandmother so much at that moment. 

elsie had a spirit that burned like a million stars... this video reminds me of her... because whenever i see old black and whites of people dancing... i have the bitter sweet realization that those people... once so full of energy are either no longer alive or unable to be so zealous... my grandma... never got old... despite her plea to me... "oh jennifer, never get old"... the only thing that slowed her down... was her own mind. the last time i saw her was on her 80th birthday. she's still there... in a nursing home... a body that houses a person i once knew so well... she is the king of the world... if there ever was one. 

i worked on a few things last night... i've been wanting to put color to sketches that i have had sitting by my desk for a couple of weeks... i messed one up pretty good... so that's a "do over" ... but these are the few that are still progressing... i have a collage that i am really liking also but it's not quite ready... i have been thinking a lot lately about people that come in to your life for short periods of time... co-workers, friends, classmates... etc... and how they impact your life in one way at the time they are actually there... and how they impact your life in sometimes an entirely different way in retrospect. it's the vacation effect... you know... how all vacations are waaaaaay more awesome a couple of months or years later... when you look back at all the amazing things you did. and you forget that you had indigestion... and blisters on your feet.... anyway... there are a lot of people that have come into my life in the last few years especially... some of them i still see on the regular... and others i hardly ever see at all... i am happy to have known you all.

and some shoes... that are coming along slowly

random nose-less self portrait