I have been too busy to do much writing the last week or so... I really want to focus on doing more art work this fall/winter as well.. I have a series of collages that I have been building for a few months... I want to rally a few more this fall and do an opening by the time the snow flies... i have a place in mind already. the other 3 shows are still going on... you can stop by any of these locations to take in some art, get a haircut, a cup of coffee or a stiff drink... hey... maybe you could make a day of it. and hit all 3. ha. 

Palmer's Bar- West Bank, Mpls
Gingko Coffeehouse- 721 N Snelling Ave, St. Paul, MN
Moxie Hair Salon- Grand Ave, St, Paul

Monday night I covered the show at The Dakota for work... It was probably the 6th time I have seen Doc Severinsen... this was my favorite. I love people with a story... and perspective... he has both... here's more about that if you want to read it: http://whyharrelson.weebly.com/5/post/2013/09/these-precious-days-ill-spend-with-you.html

When I was doing the write up I found this video clip... I'd never seen it before... but I do know the song... it's one my grandmother used to sing to me in the car... but I always thought she made it up... until about a year ago... "First you say you will, and then you won't, first you say you do, and then you don't, you're undecided now... so what are you gonn-nnnn-aaa do" - she would've loved the show Monday. 

I have taken on more projects than I probably should... but right now I am loving being busy... and loving not knowing exactly how my work, my art and my music are all going to fit together in my life.... 

One more thing... for Christmas last year I bought my dad a flying lesson. Well, he just now had a chance to use it... so he and I went together and they guys at the flight school let me ride along too. It was really beautiful... I never tire of being up in the clouds... and my dad seemed to really have a fun time... 

And... last but not least... there is an Opening for my show at Palmers this Saturday 6:30-9:30... Stop by and say hello.
https://www.facebook.com/events/436810063106013/

on a random side note. i find myself going a little paparazzi lately when I see a lady in red... even when it's me i guess

and of course... red shoes... but that isn't anything new... 

someone taught me a new word recently. did you know that squozen is a word? ya... I still don't buy it either... but after hanging the show at moxie... I feel completely squozen. and I really don't mind it. I find it hard to keep from smiling. there is no real rest in sight... and I have learned to love that feeling. do you ever look back on periods of your life and wonder what you were doing the whole time? I experience this feeling a lot. I seem to squeeze a lot of life into small periods of time. spurts of productivity that after the fact seem impossible in a normal week. one of my best friends gave me an immense compliment recently. he said, jen, I am proud of you... I was grinning already at that point... but then he added... you just keep going... even though it's hard sometimes... and even when no one is there to watch... you keep working... and I am telling you... that's the truth. I think that's the only way anyone does anything worth while... because working toward a goal is easy when there is a clear reward... the hardest goals to achieve are those that no one else is holding you accountable for. as it turns out... those are also the most rewarding. they are secret struggles that lead to public moments of "wow"...

here is where I insert some photographs... of things I did in private... never knowing if anyone would ever see them...

if there is one lesson I have learned more than any other over the last decade... it's that. if there is something you are doing that you LOVE.... that you KNOW deep down is really amazing... that makes you so very happy.... then do it! do it again and again... do it even if no one else cares... even if other people think you're an idiot... and tell you so.. because if you truly love what you're doing... and you pour your energy into it... then believe me... IT IS WORTH DOING. and just when you least expect it... it will explode into something amazing...

don't worry... I haven't shown all my cards... I always mess with the lighting and the colors when I post my paintings.... because I hope if you do go see it in person... you will still be surprised :)

it's probably cheesy but I am really diggin' this song... I like the lyric contents... beyond... "hold on to your heart" ... I can identify with not recognizing an old version of yourself... and never resting... and well.. I have played it on repeat while writing this blog... I have a way of obsessing over songs like that... and I really like it when people can still write songs that are "happy" ... even though they know people will think... man... what a cheesy/happy song... I think the world needs it... I know I still do.

and well... one last thing... i find it oh so appropriate that this is the definition of moxie:



mox·ie
 noun
informal
 
noun: moxie
 force of character, determination, or nerve.

"when you've got moxie, you need the clothes to match"

I hung the Palmer's show this morning... man I love that place. I haven't been there for over a year, I think... it doesn't change. I love the taxidermy fish... I think they make my art look better... and well, they give you a feel of what my paintings will look like hanging in your basement... next to your fish... 

I used to spend a lot of time on the west bank... it wasn't that long ago that most of my weekends would wind up at one of the music venues along cedar avenue... or a few in the same night... but, on such evenings, all road lead to palmer's at night's end. we used to joke that it was a vortex... sucking you in... once you're there... you don't leave... it's true... but that's what I like about it... well, part of what i like about it.

everyone there (at 10am this morning)... really dug my art... and spent the entire time I was hanging stuff, guessing where each establishment was... "hey, where's palmers" one guy asked me... well, they bought that one last time I did a show here, I told him. the crowd there is always colorful and jolly. and... the guy at the end of the bar... is the same one that was there last time i was there. i am sure he leaves... but i sorta like to imagine that he lives there. 

so, the opening has been rescheduled for September 21st. I am not sure yet what the music is that night... but I will find out and make an event/invite in the coming days... 

work now... then hanging moxie salon tonight (st. Paul)...

whew!

Did you know that the Ginko tree is one of the strongest and heartiest on the planet? Some are estimated at around 2,500 years old. There are Ginko trees within miles of the Hiroshima blast are still kickin'...

I have an affinity for leaves... trees in general I suppose. My dad is a nature lover... and I am too. I remember many times him trying to impart some leafy wisdom to me... but my first exposure to the ginko tree came from my friend ami... she was an artist and she, at the time I met her, made jewelry. she was really good at it... she specialized in metal working... and specifically... she had a collection of jewelry that mimicked the nuances of the ginko leaf. she told me then that there was a difference between the male and female ginko trees... and you could tell by the leaves... one was split and the other was not... well... I will be honest... I can't remember at all which was which... but aren't they beautiful?

I will be honest... I just tried to do a little research to prove my memory... and maybe ami was just making a joke... maybe there is no reason for the split in the ginko leaf after all... but don't they look lovely when they start to fade? they are maybe more beautiful when they are about to die...

i just made it home a few minutes ago... I have had the most amazingly busy time this last week... work is exploding with success... which is so wonderful.... but I find the time i normally devote to non work activities... while at work (oh come on, you do it too)... has vanished.... i just came from hanging my show at gingko coffeehouse in st. paul... maybe now you will start to understand my "theme"

coincidence would have it... that my first show in Minneapolis (and by Minneapolis i mean st. paul) many years ago... was at Gingko... i remember that the only reason i asked to do a show there in the first place... was that my childhood best friend , Emily, was going to hamline at the time... this was her coffee shop... and she and i went there a few times. i remember thinking of it, at 20-something, as a very "hip" place to be. and so, when i first started sending out query letters... gingko was on the top of my list. it's sorta funny that this show coincides with so many other things happening in my life right now... that was quite a long time ago. i took another photo that i wanted to share here... but technology is working against me tonight... oh well...

sometimes i feel like i have the curse of a good memory. my mom tells me often that she can't recall exact details or dates... when i recount a memory from early childhood... i really think she believes i am just making it up. but... i do... i remember everything. it kinda sucks. while writing this... i have so many things that jumble up into a slurry of feelings... anyway... sometimes i think it might be better to not remember anything.

the first time i heard this record i was sitting on a porch with a friend... i was probably 17. he put this record on... telling me that i would love this song.... and i do. i very much love this song. the thing is... when i was 17... i liked it because it was romantic... and it had a cute melody... and it was fall and the wind was coming in the windows... today... i  love this song... because i have been remembering my grandmother a lot lately.... the line in this song about how "sometimes i call her up... knowing she's busy... she drops what she's doing and rushes down to meet me and i'm always late" ... god... that is exactly my memory of her. she was the busiest person i know... and yet... the most available.. and one time... she cleared her schedule for me... and i was late... very late... i over-slept... i was probably 20 years old... and my grandpa called me because.... she had called him... after she had been waiting for me... for over an hour... oh... i wanted to die that day. i felt so horrible.

and now... being twice the age of 17... i have been in love. and i love this song... because i know what it is to be on both sides of the sentiment. i like aging. i love learning. today... hanging this show... i felt sorta jaded. i remember my intrepid heart the last time i was there... and this time... i was mostly rushing... and annoyed... and i thought.... jen, please see the beauty in this... and i did finally. but i had to tell myself to.

i am going on and on... without much hope for an ending... but here is one... tomorrow morning i hang my show at Palmers.... the opening party will be on the 21st.... we had to reschedule because i am tragically busy.... and tomorrow night i hang a show at moxie salon in st. paul... that's right... i will be showing in 3 places in the twin cities in the month of September... i am scared to think what might happen in October... just kidding.... it's pure coincidence.... but after tomorrow i might need to take a 2 day nap. ... as if i could...

today my beautiful grandmother elsie turned 82 years old. I didn't wish her a happy birthday in person.... but I did many times in my heart. she has a way of permeating my life at times that are almost frightening poignant. this weekend I took my first trip to the apostle islands. my traveling companion spent the summers of his childhood on sand island. his family had a house there... but I am getting ahead of myself.

so... on the first leg of my journey this weekend (to stop in Duluth) ... I opened up the glove box of my car... to organize it... to pass the time... this being one of the first times I was a passenger in my own vehicle... and there... in the bottom... was a black leather journal with a brass lock... my grandfather had given me many months ago. I had put it there for safe-keeping... and just like my grandmother would frequently do... I had forgotten I put it there at all. I spent the rest of the drive reading the pages... the journal was from 1951-1955... and the tid bits of my grandma's life I found there almost made me cry.... because of how I realize.... yet again.... the similarities between us. her entries were usually just a few lines... but she recounts things like... the movies she went to... her work at the radio station.... a Halloween party.... one entry about how her dad was in the hospital... and then the next night all she wrote was.... dad home from the hospital today... I love him... I closed it after that one... and turned to paul and said... I have to stop or I am going to start crying... you would've loved her... she was amazing... I feel weird when I tell people that. it doesn't seem like it can do her justice. she was one of those people that you just had to meet. saying she was great just makes her sound like something simple. a good movie... or your favorite food.... but she was one of those ladies that just oozes with personality and love and words....

paul had asked me earlier this week where I normally stay when I go to Duluth... and the only thing I could remember were my trips with my grandparents for horseshoe tournaments.... we stayed in little cabins along the northern part of Duluth.... and I kept thinking of this photo of my grandparents on their honeymoon.... in one of those cabins....

I felt compelled to tell paul about my grandma and her life... and of course her train trips came to mind... in those days she was working at the radio station... and she went on many trips around the country with her friends. I wish now that I could talk to her about that. after she was married... she subscribed to travel magazines from around the country... I never thought much of that until later on. I think she had a yearning to travel more. Arizona highways... there were stacks of those in the upstairs bedroom.... I have a hard time making a cohesive paragraph when I start to talk about all of the thoughts and feelings surrounding my grandmother.... but the one that is at the top of all of that... is that I wish so badly I had been older when I was 5. I wish I could talk to her now... as if it was 30 years ago. because I think she would love to hear about my life... and I know I would love to hear about hers.... she tried to tell me many things. but I was very young... I know that I have always been old for my age. but I wish I was older. so that I would've done a better job of telling her I understood her. anyway.... onward... paul and I stayed in bayfield with his aunt... and over breakfast she pulled out a coffee mug.... and on the front was Elsie... the borden milk cow. and again in my head I heard my grandmother.... telling me how much she hated her name.... and her middle name.... worse.... because when she was a girl.... elsie... was the poster child for the borden milk company.... I love the name elsie. and for a few minutes over breakfast I could see her hovering over the breakfast proceedings.... as she always did in her own house... making sure everything was just so. us all sitting around the table begging her to sit down and eat.

I have a sweater. it's blue... and bulky... and not all that wonderful... but I can't part with it. because it's the last thing I can remember my grandmother complimenting me on. she said.... oh Jennifer... that's such a beautiful sweater... it's the color of your eyes.... she was ready with a compliment... always.... and they were unsolicited and honest.

this weekend was full of time with someone else's family. and I enjoyed it very much. the thing I keep learning is that family is family. and in the end we all have this common bond... once in a while there is someone in your family that you really connect with. and that is a beautiful and lucky thing.... but even the people you don't feel that strange closeness too... still are close to you in a way that only a family member can be. it's hard to deny DNA. I can see myself in people on both sides of my family... and it makes me feel normal. it makes me feel calm.... it makes me feel like time is something vague and mysterious. 1932 wasn't all that long ago. and a personality... the inherent traits of a soul... seem timeless to me. I like that. it gives me comfort. I think if my grandmother were 34 today.... she would be a lot like me. I hold her in high regard.... so I will admit that she would probably be a better version of me... but I know we would be friends.

one of the last times she and I went out for coffee... which we did quite often... I picked her up at home. she was quite confused by this point... and I had to keep reminding her of her life... how many kids she had.... where she lived... who I was... but the one thing I remember most about that day was that she was convinced that we were pals. that she was in her 20s... just like me... and we were on an outing. it made me sad then. and scared. but now.... it makes me really happy. because that's how I feel too. and I like that when she was in a state of chaos in her own mind... she thought of me as her friend.

I am not the most religious person. although I spent most of my childhood deep in the Lutheran church. my grandmother was a devout Christian... and had prayer books and a bible in the sliding shelf on her headboard.... she was perhaps the most religious person I know. or have ever known. but I do have a theory about life and death. I believe that the human spirit is a powerful thing. it is an energy that can be given away. you live your life... when you are quite young you have the most energy.... you give it away to people in the form of service.... smiles... kindness... devotion... the more you give away... the less you have for yourself.... maybe that sounds crazy.... but it makes sense to me.

I like to think that elsie gave me a whole lot of her spirit. and she lives on in me. I hope she can understand why I didn't wish her a happy birthday today in person... but the truth is... I know she does. we have something between us that I don't know if anyone else can understand. I love her and if I can be half as kind and half as full of life as she was... I will be a very lucky woman.