squozen

someone taught me a new word recently. did you know that squozen is a word? ya... I still don't buy it either... but after hanging the show at moxie... I feel completely squozen. and I really don't mind it. I find it hard to keep from smiling. there is no real rest in sight... and I have learned to love that feeling. do you ever look back on periods of your life and wonder what you were doing the whole time? I experience this feeling a lot. I seem to squeeze a lot of life into small periods of time. spurts of productivity that after the fact seem impossible in a normal week. one of my best friends gave me an immense compliment recently. he said, jen, I am proud of you... I was grinning already at that point... but then he added... you just keep going... even though it's hard sometimes... and even when no one is there to watch... you keep working... and I am telling you... that's the truth. I think that's the only way anyone does anything worth while... because working toward a goal is easy when there is a clear reward... the hardest goals to achieve are those that no one else is holding you accountable for. as it turns out... those are also the most rewarding. they are secret struggles that lead to public moments of "wow"...

here is where I insert some photographs... of things I did in private... never knowing if anyone would ever see them...

if there is one lesson I have learned more than any other over the last decade... it's that. if there is something you are doing that you LOVE.... that you KNOW deep down is really amazing... that makes you so very happy.... then do it! do it again and again... do it even if no one else cares... even if other people think you're an idiot... and tell you so.. because if you truly love what you're doing... and you pour your energy into it... then believe me... IT IS WORTH DOING. and just when you least expect it... it will explode into something amazing...

don't worry... I haven't shown all my cards... I always mess with the lighting and the colors when I post my paintings.... because I hope if you do go see it in person... you will still be surprised :)

it's probably cheesy but I am really diggin' this song... I like the lyric contents... beyond... "hold on to your heart" ... I can identify with not recognizing an old version of yourself... and never resting... and well.. I have played it on repeat while writing this blog... I have a way of obsessing over songs like that... and I really like it when people can still write songs that are "happy" ... even though they know people will think... man... what a cheesy/happy song... I think the world needs it... I know I still do.

and well... one last thing... i find it oh so appropriate that this is the definition of moxie:



mox·ie
 noun
informal
 
noun: moxie
 force of character, determination, or nerve.

"when you've got moxie, you need the clothes to match"