this weekend was full of time with someone else's family. and I enjoyed it very much. the thing I keep learning is that family is family. and in the end we all have this common bond... once in a while there is someone in your family that you really connect with. and that is a beautiful and lucky thing.... but even the people you don't feel that strange closeness too... still are close to you in a way that only a family member can be. it's hard to deny DNA. I can see myself in people on both sides of my family... and it makes me feel normal. it makes me feel calm.... it makes me feel like time is something vague and mysterious. 1932 wasn't all that long ago. and a personality... the inherent traits of a soul... seem timeless to me. I like that. it gives me comfort. I think if my grandmother were 34 today.... she would be a lot like me. I hold her in high regard.... so I will admit that she would probably be a better version of me... but I know we would be friends.
one of the last times she and I went out for coffee... which we did quite often... I picked her up at home. she was quite confused by this point... and I had to keep reminding her of her life... how many kids she had.... where she lived... who I was... but the one thing I remember most about that day was that she was convinced that we were pals. that she was in her 20s... just like me... and we were on an outing. it made me sad then. and scared. but now.... it makes me really happy. because that's how I feel too. and I like that when she was in a state of chaos in her own mind... she thought of me as her friend.
I like to think that elsie gave me a whole lot of her spirit. and she lives on in me. I hope she can understand why I didn't wish her a happy birthday today in person... but the truth is... I know she does. we have something between us that I don't know if anyone else can understand. I love her and if I can be half as kind and half as full of life as she was... I will be a very lucky woman.