I'm sorry if I have been falling behind on my blog these past weeks. It was intentional. I could say I have just been really busy (which is somewhat true), that it was the holidays (also true), that there wasn't much to talk about (kinda true) but what I should really say is ... I wasn't feeling very happy or creative... lack of inspiration is like a festering boil for me... I feel unmotivated to create... then I let myself fall into a whirlwind of distractions... observing in excess or dancing uncontrollably ala "THE RED SHOES" ... forgetting all else in an effort to feel the way I feel when I am truly in my creative element and everything is fuel for the fire ... then I find weeks have passed... where I have created nothing... and it makes me sad... I feel like I have fallen behind... and then the irrational fears of... what if I forgot how to paint... how to create art at all.
there are a few stories all converging into one in my brain... but without sounding too pitiful... i will say this... a few years ago, i broke my leg very badly... fractured it in many places, tore out all of my ligaments and tendons... had multiple surgeries... there was a chance i may never walk again normally... let alone dance... and if you know me at all... you know there are few things in life that make me as happy as i am when i am dancing... to say the least... the months following that... and the 8 month recovery... were some of the most grim in my life. i also didn't have insurance, so the multiple surgeries and orthopedic surgeons visits were stressful and seemed like a double edged sword. i remember vowing then... that if i ever could dance again... i would never take my legs for granted. i would never waste my youth and health. i would never hold off on doing things that i could do now, because there was no telling when all of that... could be taken away quickly and without warning.
i was in a bit of a funk for much of last summer... i found myself feeling sour... something i rarely am. i complained often about certain aspects of my life. and as i write this ... i hear in my head over and over my mom saying to me as a little girl... when i would be whiny or complainy.... "stop crying unless you want something to cry about" ... i feel like i took many things for granted... that were swiftly taken away from me... only to be reminded of my promises to myself to be mindful of the blessings in my life...
last week i started a project that was originally planned as a submission for ssca but i missed the deadline while working on other things... and found that once i started... i was finding the process healing... so i have decided to just wrap up many of those pieces to be included in my upcoming show at the seward cafe. i will be hanging that on february 2nd.
art fuels happiness for me... and this past week... i have been waking up in the middle of the night to jot down ideas and thoughts... the creative monster is back... finally, and not a moment too soon...
there are a few stories all converging into one in my brain... but without sounding too pitiful... i will say this... a few years ago, i broke my leg very badly... fractured it in many places, tore out all of my ligaments and tendons... had multiple surgeries... there was a chance i may never walk again normally... let alone dance... and if you know me at all... you know there are few things in life that make me as happy as i am when i am dancing... to say the least... the months following that... and the 8 month recovery... were some of the most grim in my life. i also didn't have insurance, so the multiple surgeries and orthopedic surgeons visits were stressful and seemed like a double edged sword. i remember vowing then... that if i ever could dance again... i would never take my legs for granted. i would never waste my youth and health. i would never hold off on doing things that i could do now, because there was no telling when all of that... could be taken away quickly and without warning.
i was in a bit of a funk for much of last summer... i found myself feeling sour... something i rarely am. i complained often about certain aspects of my life. and as i write this ... i hear in my head over and over my mom saying to me as a little girl... when i would be whiny or complainy.... "stop crying unless you want something to cry about" ... i feel like i took many things for granted... that were swiftly taken away from me... only to be reminded of my promises to myself to be mindful of the blessings in my life...
last week i started a project that was originally planned as a submission for ssca but i missed the deadline while working on other things... and found that once i started... i was finding the process healing... so i have decided to just wrap up many of those pieces to be included in my upcoming show at the seward cafe. i will be hanging that on february 2nd.
art fuels happiness for me... and this past week... i have been waking up in the middle of the night to jot down ideas and thoughts... the creative monster is back... finally, and not a moment too soon...
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