find
  Jennifer Sandquist
  • home
  • sHowS
  • Contact Me
  • sTudiO bLog

mirror mirror on the wall

3/7/2011

1 Comment

 
Picture
Picture
always the artist and never the art. 

i noticed a pattern in my work about a year ago... my portraits of other people are usually "happy" looking... always fairly intense and straightforward. you know what you're feeling when you look at them. maybe you can even imagine what's on the person's mind. when i leaf through my self portraits... it becomes quite obvious that i have a really hard time painting myself. i usually get half way through and then get frustrated... smearing lines or abandoning the project entirely. or, if i do finish... the results are usually kind of depressing or angry looking. maybe this is a little bit too public of a forum to discuss this... but... it's my art... and it's me... and this is where i think. art is almost entirely presentation. the final product. the package. and when you think about it... in this, the era of myspace and facebook and blogging and twits etc. we are all essentially human product. we put our best face forward and untag the crappy photos and slowly carve out a piece of the world wide web... to be essentially a flattering (if you're smart) version of our true selves.

i have been wondering lately just what these scary self portraits mean. i wouldn't say i have low self esteem. but i wouldn't say i have an inflated ego either. like everyone there are parts of myself that i don't like all that much. i have things i'd rather hide. but if you talk to me, you can see that i am not that good at keeping my feelings hidden - there is one thing that permeates everything.... i take myself VERY seriously... i have been this way since i was a little girl. i was 5 going on 30. and now i suppose i am 32 going on 80. and i like myself that way.

i was wondering if maybe it's because i can't see myself as perfect that i have to skew my self portraits. i find flaws such as gapped teeth, scars, large noses, huge eyebrows, unruly hair... all charming on other people. in fact i prefer to paint people with striking features. not so on myself. when i see the proportions of my face... my nose seems off, my mouth too pouty... and i don't really like how goofy i look when i smile... so usually i don't smile if i can help it in photos... i told a friend recently that whenever i try to look too put together i don't "believe" myself when i look in the mirror... so i have to mess up my hair a little

someone told me recently that i am much less snobby than they thought i would be. i laughed. someone thought i was snobby? i think sometimes my self-serious nature can make me appear strangely aloof.  i am learning to love the mess that i am.  just like i would in any one else i paint. 

Picture
Picture
Picture
1 Comment
Jeff
3/17/2011 05:36:42 am

Jen, I don't think your self-portraits are "scary" at all. You do look serious in them, but that's not a crime - and if you're a serious kind of person, then you have made an accurate portrait. But also, think of this - if you paint yourself by looking in a mirror, you are concentrating hard. You're not feeling fun or flirty or anything like that, you're WORKING. So your expression will naturally reflect that concentration. Remember Rockwell's famous painting of him doing a self-portrait? No fake smile there, he was all business. Whereas if you paint other people, it's usually from photos where they have put on their "happy picture face." make sense?

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    the past

    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010

    RSS Feed

www.jennifersandquist.com