the prettiest songs

yesterday a little bird sent me this photo of my art hanging at matchbox... which was so nice because I have been out of town and have yet to see it in it's glory... . it is so lovely to have people that know you. I know I have been waxing poetic about all of that stuff a bit excessively lately... but today I spent hours just catching up with another good friend. this independence week seems as if it has gone on forever and yet I wish it would just keep going

after 100000 months of winter I think we all deserve a month of pure sunshine.... Minnesota should really consider just closing down for the month of july to preserve the sanity of the lifers that live here. I can't even believe that I have been on hiatus for over a week and tomorrow I have to return to work... without windows....

when I started to write this I sat for a while trying to google a poem I wanted to share... but i guess that google doesn't always work after all... sometimes you just have to do things the old fashioned way... i had a book many years ago and based on the cover page... now after searching for it frantically (and finally finding it) in the basement... one that i have owned for at least 15 years... the book is titled "a fine frenzy" it is a collection of poetry.... and every few pages are ear marked... highlighted or paper clipped because they struck me back then... when i was 1 9 years old...

here is the poem

"I have come to the conclusion, she said, that when we fall in love, we really fall in love with ourselves- that we choose particular people... because they provide the particular mirrors in which we wish to see.

And when did you discover this surprising bit of knowledge? He asked.

After I had broken a few very fine mirrors... she said"     ~ Nelle Fertig

I know I run the risk, as writing this... of appearing self serving or self centered or conceited.... but I assure you I am none of those things. but I have learned a lesson lately, that I find it necessary to discuss.... about images of your self. I am not photogenic. I have had countless friends and strangers alike tell me something to the effect of... "wow, you're really great in person but damn you can ruin a photograph".... my friend magnus in Sweden some odd 7 years ago told me that I have an innate ability to destroy any picture... it's not a joke. it takes a loving eye to figure out how to catch me while not mid conversation or closing my eyes. my self esteem has taken a hit more severely this last year in a way i don't really want to elaborate on...

I have tried my best not to take it to heart that I always manage to appear disgusting in pictures- my sister's wedding is a good recent example of me turning every family photo into something you just want to toss in a drawer. maybe I am just too fast for film. I would like to think so... ... but I do know that I have learned there are very few people that know me enough to figure out how to capture something about me that is real.

I am spouting all of this off in my art blog because I am going to be severely self aware and tell you honestly.... that I despise my own image. as an artist... I love the best and worst parts of all humans on this planet. I find scars sexy. I like weird noses and bad hair. I revel in people watching... some of the most unattractive people  have a beautiful soul that i can't turn my eyes from... but sadly I don't wrap my self in that same love...

so it takes someone special to capture me... the way I think I really am. which I hope can explain the poem quoted here earlier...

it's paramount that you are wrapped up in people that bolster your potential and see the wonderful things about you that even you can't. lets be honest with ourselves and admit that without an audience... there is no reason for much of anything. mirrors (disguised as people) are so very important... because they teach us who we are. there are just some things you can't do all on your own.... no matter how hard you try